The Importance of Communication Skills

The Importance of Communication Skills:
A Review: ‘Capriccio’ by Clemens and Richard Strauss

The importance of communication skills was never more evident than it was tonight – and in such a crystal clear way by the end of what threatened to be a very long evening. This was the first time I have seen the opera Capriccio. In fact, luckily as it happened, I knew nothing about this play. I waited with baited breath: generally the operas put on here at the Royal Theatre are excellent and I was excited to see how this opera was to be presented. There was a hush and the conductor walked to his place of honor amid anticipatory applause. The stage crew here are masters of the importance of communication skills!

The music started and after a few minutes the first characters appeared on the stage. There was no singing – which puzzled me. The opera is magnificent – and although the set was of a room in a very elegant house, the costumes were a little dowdy. I was nervous.

In no time my eyes glazed over, I’m afraid, despite what I knew in my head to be clever and pretty music. Keeping my head from nodding off and sitting still in my seat became a major challenge – my legs were twitching and my feet became numb. The importance of communication skills was never more evident to me – especially as I had been reading the subtitles rather than just allowing myself to be carried away by the rich music. Within the first hour both of the opera buffs I had gone to the opera with had given up and gone home! I was tempted to leave too but I was curious. I wanted to fight on and stick it out. This is very much true to my character – I believe in happy endings – if you can tough it out!

Most of the opera is about facts – thoughts, beliefs, strategies. The subject is whether the art of music is more important than the art of writing. The occasion is a birthday celebration being organized for a countess – who herself is charming and she is being wooed by the songwriter and the poet. There are squabbles and bickering and the plot drags on. The importance of communication skills is lost – perhaps deliberately to highlight the impossibility of ‘finding answers’ to a problem by ’staying in your head’? The non verbal communication was pompous and shallow – in fact I would have to say that the combination of the trivial words and the ego-filled action was quite ‘violent’ in exactly the way that I think NVC (aka Non Violent Communication or Compassionate Communication) has in mind?

As soon as the subject of NVC came into my mind, it struck me: when a relationship leaves the romantic stage, many couples communicate in a similar way. There is no depth to the communication and no understanding of the importance of communication skills. Despite the fact that in a marriage, these are two people who love each other? Or at least they fell in love and married, once upon a time? Each person is engaged in serious battle: trying to win a horrible war of words about sets of facts that in a way are as banal and pointless as the pretty but hideously soporific words in this opera.

I guess we need to face it: facts are boring?

In order to be listened to, we need to be interesting?

Eventually, towards the end of the opera, life is breathed on to the stage. My legs miraculously thawed and stopped aching and it was no longer an effort to keep my eyes open. What a transformation! Suddenly the plot became interesting and very much alive.

The cast decided to write an opera – similar to the boring plot we had just sat through – and there is a long and very beautiful aria sung by the countess – suffused at last with wonderful feeling. Feeling that can be understood in any language, which as this language was German and I am English, was another interesting fact to me? Feeling, even expressed clumsily, would seem to be easily forgiven by the audience. Marshall Rosenberg of NVC says the same is true in communication?

The curtain came down to enthusiastic applause. I have linked in this article to one of the best versions of the magical music of Capriccio available with New Zealand’s incredible soprano Kiri Te Kanawa.

How does this relate to the importance of communication skills? My hope is that as this story has unfolded, it’s become a little clearer? According to Imago, in life, when a couple leave the magic of a new romanic love, they often start the tortuous journey of ‘unknowing’ each other? They start bantering, ‘assuming’ that the other knows what they’re feeling – and bickering and fighting.

When they start speaking to each other from the heart and reveal their vulnerable feelings to each other, their relationship deepens and almost any situation can be solved and rift can be healed. When they explore their needs their connection with themselves and with their partner is further enriched. NVC is the ‘language of life’ that helps you to uncover the way to communicate deeply. It takes you by the hand and gently shows you, step by step, how to transform your relationships, both with others and with yourself.

Capriccio illustrated graphically to me the difference between a language based only on facts and feelings and that enriched with feeling. It was a wonderful example of how boring bickering and facts can be. This was so so clear… The whole set came to life – as though someone had thrown on a bright light – and I was filled with energy as soon as feeling and passion were introduced.

Perhaps the critics who wrote their unkind reviews had only watched the beginning of the opera? By hanging in and toughing it out through the first two thirds of this elegant but very tedious play I was richly rewarded with a beautiful ending.

In a similar way, if a couple can tough it out through the difficult part of their relationship – and get some effective help from a good couples counsellor – they too may be richly rewarded.

In fact I would say this: trust yourself… Trust that your core, your very essence, guided you to choose the right partner for you. With the right communication tools – if this relationship is what you choose to keep – you will find the happiness you long for. Finding the right counsellor and the right help is the essential ‘piece’. NVC coupled with Imago style therapy, glued together with guru Mahmud Nestman’s Trust Oriented Therapy is a perfect counselling recipe for a great relationship.

Good luck!
Julie

Tagged as: characteristics of healthy relationships, compassionate communication, importance of communication skills, non verbal communication, non violent communication